I have hope lately. Something I thought I lost long ago. I wanted to leave and never come back. I couldn’t stand the thoughts I was having. Not going to my counseling appointments anymore was for a reason, a stupid one. I didn’t want her to stop me from developing an eating disorder. I wanted chain smoke and not eat anything. I want to lose the weight and stop gaining it, no matter how desperate I get. I still want to so badly and have not discovered a compromise besides binging and saying I’d stop and not eat the next day. I am going to buy cigarettes tomorrow, I can’t continue like this.
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