One foot in front of the other

Over the past year or so, John and I have taken up running.  We started in September of 2008, taking a Learn to Run clinic at the Running Room. The clinic was great and the people even better, so we kept at it. I was sidelined for a few months, from November to March, with a knee injury that was caused by the simple fact that I was far too heavy.

In February 2009, I decided that I did not want to be a 34 year-old person who felt like she was 50. I was severely jealous of John, who had continued running. I was unhappy, unfit and the person on the outside had started to conquer the person inside of me, turning me into a miserable, fat lump. I tipped the scale at around 210lbs, which does not sit prettily on a 5′3″ tall woman, let me tell you!

Things had to change.

I resolved to modify my diet ever-so-slightly. Going with the basic assumption that losing weight involves burning more than you take in, I skimmed about 500 calories off my daily requirements. On days during which I exercised, I added 50-75% of the calories burned onto my allocation for the day. I never worried too much if I was over by 100-200 one day, as long as the week’s average worked out to under my limit.

For those starting out on this same journey, I suggest Spark People. It’s free, it’s useful and it really, really works. Others may find Weight Watchers helpful. The online version is great, but they’ll charge you for it!

I started by walking. I walked half an hour almost every day. At first I could only go slowly, but as time went on, I got faster and went further.

Bit by bit, the weight came off. When I had lost the first 15lbs, my knees stopped hurting. I started to find energy again and was so utterly thrilled with myself that I could hardly believe it.

My reward to myself for loosing those first 15 lbs was a membership at the YMCA. Weight training was added to my routine three times a week. I had trained with weights in the past and so knew enough of the theory to build my own routine. That said, I also picked up a copy of The Complete Idiot’s Guide to Weight Training, which is a fabulous reference!

Then, on March 29, 2009, I picked up the Running Room manual that I had been given in September, reread the training programme and started running again……

Weigh In #1

I’ll be the first to admit that when I stepped on that scale this morning my heart was racing! I have done everything that I set out to this week but it’s not as if I miraculously feel 10 lbs. skinnier or anything. When those 3 numbers appeared I was deliriously happy!

I know that every week won’t be a 10 lb. loss but it’s nice at first because i’m an *instant gratification* girl and this will motivate me…well, at least until next week!

(Net loss=10 lbs.)

Day 78 Weigh in today.

Well I weighed in and was very pleased to be down 1.5 lbs.  My eating has not been very good lately……….so working out is the only thing that is saving me on the scales.

I met my sister-in-law at the Y.  I pushed the snooze button on my alarm so I was 10 min. late (oops)  We got on the treadmill and started running at 6.0 (10:00 min. mile)  We ran for 5 min. and walked 1 min.  then we ran and pushed our speed up to 6.2…………this continued 6.4-6.6-6.8-7.0-7.2-7.4  (speeds)…………….We then did some core/ab work for about 15 min.       My sister-in-law had to leave so I continued on in the pool.  Wow it was really hard to swim after running………..now I know why my trainer always has me swim before we workout in the gym.  I swam for about 30 min.

If a Picture is Worth a Thousand Words...

Then it’s awfully quiet over here.

I was futzing around on Facebook this weekend, looking at some of my friends’ pictures. There’s millions of them. Laughing and joking and cuddling and kissing and documenting their lives and adventures. It then occurred to me that I hardly have any with my husband after our wedding. Read: after I started putting the weight back on.

Going through our pics, we had a lot leading up to the wedding. I’d lost enough weight (not nearly enough, though) to be comfortable in front of a camera and we’d take pics all the time. My friends and I took pics. This is before I sort of lost my friends (at least the regular interaction) and before I trained my husband how to zoom in, crop, and review/delete every pic until I was satisfied it wasn’t awful.

And it’s not so much that I hate myself in the pics we’d take today – well, let’s be honest, I wouldn’t enjoy them much – but for some wacky reason I don’t want to know (or be reminded) of how others see me every day. I live in a fantasy world where the people I love don’t “see” me as fat. Or rather, significantly and morbidly obese. They don’t “see” my fat rolls, my multiple chins, or how my cheek flab makes my eyes look squinty when I smile now. But when I see the pics, that’s all *I* see so how can they not?

So…back to Facebook. I posted some pictures of our earlier days. And I love them. I really do. Even the ones I thought I’d hated back then, seem sooo much better than now. I covet that time. I looked and felt younger and happier and healthier. We’ve missed a few years of documented memories because of my vanity – which is ironic, really, “vanity” when you’re obese. It’s like so much stopped when I lost control of my body and my discipline.

I want our years to be filled with adventures and smiles and pictures. Life is too short. Soon we’ll be looking back on our lives and I won’t be able to recall how we’ve spent it. I don’t want that. I want to see where we’ve been, be it romantic or goofy or just as a record of our lives together. And I want to be able to look at those pictures with fondness…not contempt.

Every day I’m given a thousand little signs that TODAY should be the day I get my shit together. And each day I tell myself that TODAY will be the day. And each day I never quite succeed. Every moment I’m given, every choice I have, could help me down this path. Would if I could just take the little opportunities, and gain some traction, every day could be the day that I do this.

Braised Beef

Braised Beef is one of my favourite dishes ever, it is really wholesome and filling. So I decided to make a slimming world friendly version. Here it is:

Who would of thought you could have such a huge filling plate of food while dieting. mmmmmmmmmmmmm

Ingredients

3.5 syn for entire recipe on EXTRA EASY

1lb of braising steak/beef (all visible fat removed)
1 large red onion (halved and sliced)
2 cloves of garlic (crushed and chopped finely)
2 carrots (sliced)
1 beef stock cube made up with 2 cups of water
2 teaspoons of dried thyme or a couple of sprigs of fresh thyme
a splash of balsamic vinegar
salt and pepper to season
spray oil
1 tablespoon of cornstarch/cornflour

Method

Preheat oven to 160c or 320f
Spray a casserole pot with spray oil, place over a medium high heat, sear the beef until browned and then set aside
Reduce the heat slightly and add onion, garlic and carrot and cook for approx 5 mins until softened (you may need to add a little water to the pan if it starts to stick)
Add the stock, and splash of balsalmic vinegar
Return the meat to the casserole dish and add the thyme
Cook in the oven for approx 2 – 21/2 hours until meat is tender
Remove from oven and carefully remove the meat and vegetables to a side dish
Mix the cornstarch with a little water to make a paste
Place the liquid in the casserole dish over a high heat, add the cornstach paste and bring to the boil, then simmer for a few minutes until sauce has thickened
Season and then re-add the meat and vegetables

Serve with your choice of vegetables and potatoes – I had mine with mashed potatoes, broccoli and cauliflower. It was really delicious.

Taming the Beast

It is there lurking in the darkness. Around the corner. Under the stairs. Waiting.

It has pounced more than I’d like and yet when it does, I am always surprised.

Hunger.

I’m not talking about the casual hunger I have learned to embrace. That feeling of slight deprivation that lets me know I am on track has become a welcome friend. I am also not talking about that nasty habit of wanted to eat out of boredom. That isn’t hunger, just a nasty habit.

That kind of “hunger” has become routinely manageable. Being mindful of my actions seems to be the key. Not to instinctively act on what I am feeling. Not to be impulsive but to have a reasoned response. Am I really hungry? Should I be? Is it time to eat? Thinking it out helps me deal and keeps the regret to a minimum.

The hunger that still haunts me is a deep, primal, animal hunger. It may sound dramatic but it is real. I really haven’t been plagued by this devil in quite a while yet it hit me today with a vengeance. I didn’t have a normal week. I’ve been plagued with on and off sinus issues. The condition taking its toll; coupled with the sinus meds that also take their toll. All in all I made it through maintaining my eating and workout schedule. Friday I felt particularly lousy.

Happily it was my scheduled day off from working out so after work I loaded up on sinus pills and put my feet up. Resting felt good. Saturday morning I awoke still not feeling all that great.

Then came the great internal debate; work out or no? I really didn’t want to face an hour in the pool. Crowds make it is so difficult to swim during the week sometimes that I really hate not to swim when I know I can get in an empty pool; early weekend mornings.  So I got ready and got down to the pool. Amazingly I knew immediately I did the right thing. From the first lap it felt great. Afterwards I felt better than I did all week. Yay!

Having had such a great Saturday workout, I didn’t even entertain taking it easy Sunday. In fact I got up and out extra early. The workout today wasn’t difficult but it was kind of boring. My heart rate was great but I kept feeling like I was further along than I was. I guess I was more tired than I allowed myself to admit. Love that 20/20 hindsight!

After my shower and great post workout breakfast I started planning my day.

It didn’t take long, however, for a shadow to fall over my anticipated day. The hunger struck.

Like I said, I hadn’t suffered at its hands lately but when it arrived it was unmistakable. It may start gently enough, but once it arrives it follows its ugly course. There is no stopping it.

This hunger is so deep, so primal, it is unstoppable. I lose all sense of reason. All I know is I must eat and I must eat now. I am also like the Coneheads in that only MASS QUANTITIES will do. Needless to say at times like those my food choices stink, the combos are sometime off the wall and bizarre, and my actions define the word “uncontrollable”.

I’ve learned not be beat myself up over these episodes mainly because they do come so infrequently. I may also be deluding myself but this hunger is so real that I figure it may be coming out of necessity; and therefore not entirely detrimental. Nonetheless these times are very disconcerting and I hate them.

I like to feel like I can have control so losing that ain’t fun.

Maybe someday I’ll get a grip on what precipitates these episodes and I can routinely fend them off. Until then I just have to deal with them like I do every aspect of my weight loss journey; one day at a time, one meal at a time.

A healthy mindset

I’ve been finding that having the right frame of mind can really help in my get fit efforts.  When I’m feeling deprived, I try to change my thinking.  For example, when I start to feel sorry for myself that I can’t eat chocolate, I try to change my focus to appreciating all the wonderful foods that I can eat. 

 

What I have always found frustrating about diets in the past is that you have to follow someone else’s rules, and then if you don’t stick to the plan, you feel guilty.  I am making my own eating plan  based on what I like and what fits well into my life. 

 

Another thing that I want to do is try new recipes.  I haven’t done this for many years because the boys are such picky eaters that they treat anything new like it’s garbage!  Well, they are going to be in for a big surprise!

[Via http://theyearoflivingfit.wordpress.com]