Dear Kevin James,
A few months back I wrote to you about the Vocabulary of Doubt. It is the little voice inside of each of us that tells us that we aren’t capable of something, with the intent of getting us to give up before we even try. There are lots of these voices calling out to me constantly. I doubt whether or not I can lose weight. I doubt whether or not I can eat healthier. I doubt whether or not I will be able to handle the commitment necessary to be a leaner, meaner version of my now fat self. But as GI Joe taught me, now I know about the Vocabulary of Doubt, and knowing is half the battle. I can defeat this vocabulary.
There is another vocabulary however, that is stronger in tone, and generates more than just doubt. I am speaking about the Vocabulary of Fear. Unlike the vocabulary of doubt, which pops up in situations that aren’t scary to most of us, the Vocabulary of Fear tells us not only that we can’t achieve a goal, but also that we are going to get hurt in the process. This vocabulary will use words such as irrational, unnecessary or pain, all in the hopes of getting you to walk away from a challenge in order to be more comfortable doing something less strenuous or exciting. Just like the Vocabulary of Doubt, the Vocabulary of Fear can come from within and can come from others. Nevertheless, both seem like they are trying to keep you safe, while convincing you that what you are doing is just too crazy.
Just like the Vocabulary of Doubt, I know about the Vocabulary of Fear from personal experience. In fact, it is something that I go through during times like the one I am going through right now. It is during times, when Heather is away, when she is deployed, that I most hear the Vocabulary of Fear. All soldier’s spouses go through this I imagine. It is the fear that my soldier may not come home. It is the fear that I will open up the news page and see something about a Roadside Bomb or an Improvised Explosive Devise taking lives hear her base. People have told me you can’t think that way, but I tell all of you. Try and stop those thought.
I am not worried about Heather’s life after death mind you. Neither is she. I don’t fear her ticket to heaven isn’t stamped. Those who know my wife, know that she is definitely getting in. If something ever did happen to Heather, I wouldn’t fear for her. The Vocabulary of Fear in this instance is about me. How could I live without her? I fear a life without Heather in my life. I fear a life where I don’t wake up and see her smiling face next to me. I fear a life where I don’t grow old with the one I planned on growing old with. This Vocabulary of Fear has kept me up nights when her internet goes down and she can’t send me an email. It has made me go crazy looking for more information when I hear of attacks and explosions. It affects my diet and my workouts because I don’t care if I am healthy, if I don’t know whether or not Heather is.
But here is the thing about the Vocabulary of Fear. It doesn’t have to control our lives. In fact, there is a term that describes those who hear the Vocabulary of Fear and then shove their nose at it. We call these people courageous. Courage isn’t the absence of fear, rather it is acting in spite of the fear. When the vocabulary says, “You will get hurt,” courage gives people the strength to move forward. When the vocabulary says, “It’s over, you can’t handle this, courage allows us to look at our fear and handle any situation. Men much stronger and much weaker than me have had amazing courage. There is no reason I can’t.
When I think of my wife, I think of the epitome of courage. Once again, those who know her know that she would never call herself courageous, but lets face it after nine years in the army and 2 tours of duty in Iraq she is a brave Soldier who has done and is doing a great service for the best nation on the face of the earth. Whether she is on the base or off of it, she is honorable, caring, and duty bound with all of the other troops that come in her path. And even Heather has a Vocabulary of Fear. Yep, she does, and I know because I have to help her face those fears at times. During Basic Training we faced those fears together. During our time in Korea, she constantly faced her fears and not only did her job, but EXCELLED at her job. I am proud to call my wife the best damn Soldier on the face of the earth. And I proud of the courage all my other Army, Navy, Airforce, Marine and Coast Guard friends exemplify each and every day.
To all of the Servicemembers, I say thank you. To everyone I say…it is time for us to face the vocabulary of fear just like we do the vocabulary of doubt. We must face these fears head on. We must look deep inside ourselves and courageously announce that we are not going to listen to the fear. With all this being said…it is time to act. It is time to face the fears in our lives. For me, that means facing the fear that I can not lose the weight and am destined for a life of obesity. It is time to man up and get courageous about doing what is necessary to be healthier. It is time to come up with the vocabulary of courage to tell my fear to go away. It can’t control me anymore.
Of course I am afraid that no one will read this, but that is more the Vocabulary of doubt talking.
Time for the weekend,
Steve
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